Humour local - EN only (4)

Lecteur, tu as réussi le challenge de la dernière blague ? Allez, cette fois j'suis sympa, j't'en ai réservé une facile et légère. Le genre de blague typique.

Tim Kelly was walking therough a dim passageway when someone spoke to him.
"Good evenin', Kelly," said the muffled figure. "Don't ye be knowin' your old friend Grogan any more?"
Kelly stared at Grogan, whose face was a patchwork of bandages and adhesive
plaster. One arm was in a sling and he was leaning on a crutch.
"Saints!" cried Kelly. "Was ye hit by a train, Grogan, or did ye merely jump from the trestle?"
"It could've been both," said Grogan, "considerin' the feel of it. But the truth is, I was in bed with Murphy's wife when Murphy himself comes in with a murtherin' big shillelagh in his hand, and the inconsiderate creature beat the livin' bejazus outa me."
"He did indade," said Kelly. "But couldn't ye defend y'rself, Grogan? Hadn't ye nothin' in your own hand?"
"Only Mrs. Murphy's ass," said Grogan. "It's a beautiful thing in itself, but not worth a dom in a fight."

Humour local - EN only (3)

Lecteur, tu commences à t'habituer à l'humour irlandais, je le sens. Et comme les habitudes ce n'est pas bon, je te propose un challenge.
Voici une blague irlandaise du terroir, avec l'accent. C'est autrement plus difficile de saisir l'humour là dedans, surtout si, lecteur, tu n'as jamais habité en Irlande. Ah oui, il y a quelques subtilités que l'on n'acquière qu'avec des mois de cohabitation en milieu hostile. A toi, lecteur !

Paddy was trapped in a bog and seemed a goner when Big Mick O'Reilly wandered
by.
"Help!" Paddy shouted, "Oi'm sinkin'!"
Don't worry," assured Mick. "Next to the Strong Muldoon, Oi'm the strongest man in Erin, and Oi'll pull ye right out o' there."
Mick leaned out and grabbed Paddy's hand and pulled and pulled to no avail.
After two more unsuccessful attempts, Mick said to Paddy, "Shure, an' Oi can't do it. The Strong Muldoon could do it alone, mebbe, but Oi'll have to get some help."
As Mick was leaving, Paddy called "Mick! Mick! D'ye think it will help if Oi pull me feet out of the stirrups?"

Humour local - EN only (2)

Tu as aimé la première irish joke, lecteur ? Tu en redemandes ?
Tu as bien de la chance, j'en ai une sous la main et dans ma grande bonté, je la partage avec toi. Si ce n'est pas de la générosité ça !


An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years.
Upon her return, her father cussed her. Where have ye been all this time?

Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?

The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff....dad....I became a prostitute...."

"Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family."

"OK, dad -- as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for $5 million. For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club....(takes a breath)....and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and...."

"Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says dad.

Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff....a prostitute dad! Sniff, sniff."
"Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant'. Come here and give yer old man a hug!"

Humour local - EN only

Salut, lecteur !

J'avais envie d'inaugurer une nouvelle section ici, qui te permettra de commencer à comprendre l'humour délirant de l'irlandais moyen.
En effet, cet humour n'est pas forcément à la portée de tout-un-chacun. Déjà, il faut maîtriser l'anglais. Ah oui, je sais je te déçois lecteur, tu aurais aimé pouvoir lire du français. L'ennui c'est que ça serait de l'humour français alors, et ça.....ça n'existe pas on le sait...
Ensuite, il faut connaître son vocable populaire car sinon le moment ou il faut rire tu rateras. Et là, ça serait un peu la lose, quand même.
Bref, lecteur, devant ta mine exaspérée d'avoir à attendre pour lire une pauvre blague, I give to you....the first irish joke of a long series ! Enjoy (et parfais ton anglais par la même occasion, veux-tu)

IRISH LOVE STORY
An elderly man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite scones wafting up the stairs.
He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning on the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs.

With laboured breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favourite scones.

Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his devoted Irish wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in rumpled posture.
His aged and withered hand trembled towards a scone at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked by his wife with a wooden spoon ......
.........
.........
F**k off' she said, 'they're for the funeral.'