Humour local - EN only (10)

Et une petite dernière pour finir l'année en beauté lecteur ! Tu sauras qu'en Irlande, on a la joke facile au sujet des relations de couple. En voici une preuve :

Padraic Flaherty came home drunk every evening toward ten. Now, the Missus was never too happy about it, either.
So one night she hides in the cemetery and figures to scare the beejeezus out of him. As poor Pat wanders by, up from behind a tombstone she jumps in a red devil costume screaming, "Padraic Sean Flaherty, sure if ya' don't give up you're drinkin' it's to Hell I'll take ye'".
Pat, undaunted, staggered back and demanded, "Who the hell ARE you?".
To that the Missus replied, "I'm the divil ya' damned old fool".
To which Flaherty remarked, "Damned glad to meet you sir, I'm married to yer sister."

Humour local - EN only (9)

Lecteur, tu es impatient je le sais, alors ce mois ci sans plus attendre voilà ta joke irlandaise !

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. "Why of course," comes the reply.
The first man then asks: "Where are you from?" "I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.
The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."
"Of Course," replies the second man. Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?" "Dublin," comes the reply. "I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."
"Of course," replies the second man. Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?" "Saint Mary's," replies the second man. "I graduated in '62."
"This is unbelievable!" the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!"
About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. "What's been going on?" he asks the bartender. "Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again."

Humour local - EN only (8)

Hey lecteur !

Voici un nouveau challenge. Voilà une joke que si tu ne te l'imagines pas dans ta tête avé l'accen', tu la comprends pas. Good luck !

An Irishman went for an interview with one of the major blue chip computer companies. When the interview was over the interviewer told him that all applicants had to complete a test. The interviewer took a piece of paper and drew six vertical lines in pairs of two on the paper and placed it in front of the Irishman.
"Could you please show me a clever way to make this into nine?"
After thinking for a while the Irishman took the pencil and drew a canopy of leaves on top of the three pairs of lines, and handed the paper back to the interviewer.
The interviewer looked at the drawings and said: "But that is not nine!"
"Oh yes it is", said the Irishman with a broad Irish accent, "Tree + Tree +Tree make nine!"
The interviewer handed the paper back to the Irishman and asked him to make it 99. After thinking for a longer while the Irishman scribbled up and down the trunks and handed the paper back to the interviewer.
The interviewer looked at the drawings and said: "But that is not ninety nine!"
"Oh yes it is", said the Irishman, "Dirty tree + dirty tree + dirty tree make ninety nine." The interviewer was now a bit cheesed off so he decided to do the Irishman once and for all, therefore, he handed the paper back to the Irishman and asked him to make it 100.
After thinking for a considerably longer time the Irishman suddenly grabbed the pencil and drew a little blop on the bottom right hand side of each three and handed the paper back to the interviewer.
The interviewer looked at the drawings and said: "But that is not 100!"
"Oh yes it most certainly is", said the Irishman with a much broader Irish accent, "Dirty tree and a turd + dirty tree and turd + dirty tree and a turd make 100!!!!!"

Humour local - EN only (7)

Alors, lecteur, on en redemande, de l'humour irlandais ? En voici une, qu'elle est bien bonne !

There is an old Irish couple, Margaret and Paddy.

Margaret walks into the living room where Paddy is and says, "Patrick, oh I am so proud of you, so proud. Last month, I told you that you were spending too much time at the pub and too much time away from me. Since then you haven't gone to the pub once and stayed home. I want to do something special for ya, I want to make ya a special dinner, special indeed."

Paddy replied, "Oh Margaret, you don't have to do that, don't trouble yourself." "No, it's no trouble"

Margaret insisted, "In fact, when we were on holiday last year, you really enjoyed those Escargots. You go to the store and get them snails and I'll make 'em up for ya." Paddy got excited, "Oh, that would be wonderful!! O.K., o.k. I'll go right away."

So Paddy goes to the store to get the snails, but has to pass by the pub on the way. As he passes, everyone in the pub starts yelling, "Hey Paddy!! Where ya been, boy? Come on in and let me buy ya a pint!!!"
Paddy refuses, "No, no, no, no. I've got to get to the store.........No, I've got to go." They keep it up, "C'mon Paddy, just one, let me buy ya one!"
Paddy answers "No, no, no, I've got to go".

Paddy makes it to the store and gets them snails. Well, on his way back he has to go past the pub once again, and his buddies start in again, "Hey Paddy!! Come on in and let me buy ya a pint!!!"
Paddy answers, "No, no, no, no. I've got to get home.........No, I've got to go".
They beg, "C'mon boy, just one."
Paddy responds, "No, I've got to go. I've got..........Well..........Just one."

It's 11:00 pm when Paddy looks down on his watch: "Oh No!! I've got to go!!"
Paddy starts running home, he gets to the gate and flings it open and then trips and damn them snails go flying everywhere.
Margaret hears the ruckus and comes out and yells, "Paddy! It's after 11 o'clock! What took ya so long?!? Where ya been?!?"
Patty looks up at Margaret, looks down and sees the snails spread out everywhere, gets up, waves and says:

"Come on Boys, keep it going! WE'RE ALMOST THERE!!!"